Perspective

Image

The partial lunar eclipse  seemed to inspire all the crazies to crawl out into society this week.  I saw them on the streets as I rode my bike to school, in the school itself, hanging around my daughter’s pre-school (called a “kindergarten” here in Germany) , and even in my own home. Dear Lord.

They cut me off in their BMWs, even though I had the right of way. They chastised me for asking about schedules (what a nuisance to have to answer!) and challenged me in my description of language levels; apparently, neither being a native speaker of English nor having a Master’s degree qualifies me to assess them. They grunted out hurried greetings and refused to make small talk (what a nuisance to have to chat about the weather!) They complained about lack of food in the house and about the food that was actually cooked.

Days like today drain me and test my (fragile?) psyche.  After all, there is no shortness of crazy in MY mind. I am powered by anxiety quite often, only to be run down by depression. What sets me apart is that I KNOW it. Right? Right…

What I struggle with is how to maintain perspective, especially when things seem out out of whack.  How much is due to me, and how much is due to them? Where does their craziness start and mine end? Are they crazy for cutting me off or am I for letting it annoy me so much? Are they weird for snapping at me when I ask a question or am I for asking it in the first place?

So are the thoughts of an anxious person like me.

Who am I?

I’m been wandering through the US, Germany and Iran for almost 20 years, trying to find the “right” place.

I’m in a strange marriage that I can’t quite leave…yet.

I love my teaching career but hate all the craziness that goes with it. I can’t help wondering if there is something I am missing.

I love my two children above all, yet feel oddly trapped at times. I don’t want to wish them big, but sometimes can’t help myself.

When all the above becomes too much, I lapse into anxiety and depression. I am fighting this with every weapon I can muster.

I’m looking for empowerment so I can break free of the prison I have largely imposed on myself.

I love the symbolism in the Persephone story–trapped in the underworld, she emerges 6 months a year. Demeter, her mother, then ushers in Spring. I am looking for my Eternal Spring–this is where I explore that possibility.